Unspoken

There seems to be this unspoken rule about post postpartum depression. That we shouldn't talk about it. It's shameful. It means you're weak. Crazy. Emotional. Depressed.


I am not ashamed to admit that I am suffering from post postpartum depression. I did not know much about it, and never in a million years did I think it would affect me. As a teenager, I suffered from depression at a certain stage in my life. I always just chalked it up to those crazy teenager emotions and to be honest, I just sort of laugh it off now.


I made an appointment with my family doctor a few weeks ago because I knew I needed help. I would have a bad day and I would feel like nothing could possibly make me feel better. My beautiful children could not cheer me up. My wonderfully understanding husband could not make it better. The little things I took such joy in previously seemed so gloomy. I was just always miserable and on the verge of panic. I was lucky to get into my doctor fairly quickly, and upon hearing my concerns, my doctor sat down and listened to me ramble about how dark I feel some days. He took me seriously, and told me it is NOT my fault. There is nothing that can explain why I feel this way, that thousands of researchers have tried to find and explanation for post postpartum depression to no avail, so I shouldn't try to explain it either. He also said that because I was previously depressed as a teen, I was absolutely prone to it again. He told me I need to make sure I make time for myself. Take a bath, read a book, sit and relax with a tea. Go visit my incredibly wonderful horse. He prescribed me a very mild anti-depressant (that is safe to take while nursing) and I've just made sure that I stop and take a deep breath. I think to myself how bad days don't mean the world is ending, that I need to remember that my children will never EVER be this small again and to enjoy every second. That housework will wait. Bills will wait (sort of). I also make sure that I talk about it to my husband and my close friends. I'm lucky to have a great group of friends from my barn. Most of them are mothers and so understanding. One of them suggested taking vitamins, and to eat better and take care of myself. The less tired I feel and the better I take care of myself, the better I will feel mentally and emotionally.


I also started seriously thinking about where I want my life to go. I do not want to be a stay-at-home mom forever. I want a career of my own that I love and one that brings me happiness. I want to help animals and I want to help people. I found this online program- through a friend- that I am really interested in. I would have a year of school and then graduate to become a "Health Coach". I'm still in the process of researching, but so far I am so excited about what I've read. I'm already so passionate about nutrition and truly believe that the health crisis that exists can only be solved by good nutrition and healthy living, and this program just expands on those ideals. It sounds right up my alley!


I read this post today on Facebook and I think it put a lot into perspective for me. I'll share it here, because I think it will speak volumes to other parents as well.