Forgive

I have a friend that is doing the same program I am through Integrative Nutrition. She's a bit ahead of me, and it was her that inspired me to sign up. She's been such a supportive friend and yesterday she was able to help me deal with something that has been keeping me up at night.

Losing a friend is never easy. It's hard no matter what, but it is especially difficult when it happens on angry terms. I overthink everything naturally, and I'm very quick tempered. I have learned a lot about myself this year so far, and the one thing I learned yesterday I think is the most important.

I need to learn to let go and forgive others for hurting me.

I know I've done nothing wrong, and if I could go back I would handle myself and the situation in question the exact same way. I'm proud of myself for keeping my cool and for showing strength and dignity when I could have instead "lost it".

Now I find myself full of anxiety and feeling like I DID do wrong. Even though I KNOW I didn't. It's not fair to myself to think like this, and it's wasting a lot of energy on someone that doesn't deserve it.

I realize after talking to this friend yesterday, that none of what happened was my fault. It was me that got the angry and hurt words because I told someone something they didn't want to hear. They weren't ready to face reality, and likely never will. They are controlled by their "ego", and anger is an easier emotion then dealing with all the other emotions and problems that exist in their current life. This person is hurt, embarassed, ashamed, confused and lost. I was the one that was close when they realized all this, but instead of being an adult and dealing with it, they chose the easy way out and I was better to lash out at then themselves.

While I would never find myself in a friendship role with this person again, I forgive them for their years of lashing out and insecurities. That's okay, because none of it has to do with me. I'm a good friend and I tried, my damndest, to help and make this person comfortable in their own skin.

I forgive myself for giving up control of my own emotions and allowing them to be clouded by anger and fear. I have nothing to be ashamed of in how I acted or the things that I said.

I will now move forward and live the life I work hard for and enjoy every single moment without a single regret. I have a beautiful family, loving and supportive friends, and so much to look forward to. I am letting go of the years I put myself, albeit unnecessarily but with good intentions, in the middle of something I clearly could not fix. I know that one day this person will realize the error of her many ways and hopefully forgive herself too.

Thank you Fiona, for being so wonderful. I owe you more then I could ever possibly put into words. xoxo