Things Kids Say...

This morning Gage came into my room after I had just gotten dressed and was settling down to nurse Finn and asked me, "Mom, what did you do last night?" I responded with "I slept, in my bed. What did you do last night?" and he said, "I growed! In my bed! See? I'm a man now!"

I laughed for a full 10 minutes, at least, and am still chuckling to myself when I think about it.

I need a lot of positive vibes sent my way and fingers crossed. On Friday I have a meeting to see if I qualify for a student loan to do the Integrative Nutrition course and become a Health Coach. There is a new semester starting March 18th that I would like to be apart of, and if I don't get this loan I won't be able to do it until at least the next semester which is 6 months from now. I know I would excel being a Health Coach and to have something so close within reach yet so far away makes me so nervous. I've been trying to stay postitive but that's really hard for a pessismist like me!

Fingers crossed!

Love Your Body

I know this is easier then said then done, especially for all those mama's out there with bodies that have endured pregnancy and childbirth.


We live in a society with so many images of what "should" be the "norm". It all rolls into women everywhere dieting, covering up and hating themselves. It makes me sad.


My mom (sorry mom) is one that dyes her hair (again, sorry mom!), buys into the anti-aging products on the market and so rarely leaves the house without her makeup on. If you go to the local drug store and walk down the aisles in the beauty section, there are shelves upon shelves full of anti-aging cream and products that are supposed to make stretch marks "disappear".


The commercials for Victoria Secret literally make me see red. Our children grow up watching those commercials, and those like them, and believe THAT is the image of a "perfect" woman.


I LOVE my stretch marks! I have no problem with them, and would have no problem baring them all in a bikini. I earned them! Those stretch marks mean that I carried life inside me (twice) and birthed TWO healthy, beautiful boys. There should be NO SHAME in that! I think we need to learn to embrace our post-baby bodies.


These images here sum up exactly how I feel:

"A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn. One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness. One for every time you had the hiccups. One for every dream you dreamed within me. It isn't very pretty anymore. Some may even think it ugly. That's ok. It was your home. It help you until my arms could. And for that I will always find something beautiful in it."

Unspoken

There seems to be this unspoken rule about post postpartum depression. That we shouldn't talk about it. It's shameful. It means you're weak. Crazy. Emotional. Depressed.


I am not ashamed to admit that I am suffering from post postpartum depression. I did not know much about it, and never in a million years did I think it would affect me. As a teenager, I suffered from depression at a certain stage in my life. I always just chalked it up to those crazy teenager emotions and to be honest, I just sort of laugh it off now.


I made an appointment with my family doctor a few weeks ago because I knew I needed help. I would have a bad day and I would feel like nothing could possibly make me feel better. My beautiful children could not cheer me up. My wonderfully understanding husband could not make it better. The little things I took such joy in previously seemed so gloomy. I was just always miserable and on the verge of panic. I was lucky to get into my doctor fairly quickly, and upon hearing my concerns, my doctor sat down and listened to me ramble about how dark I feel some days. He took me seriously, and told me it is NOT my fault. There is nothing that can explain why I feel this way, that thousands of researchers have tried to find and explanation for post postpartum depression to no avail, so I shouldn't try to explain it either. He also said that because I was previously depressed as a teen, I was absolutely prone to it again. He told me I need to make sure I make time for myself. Take a bath, read a book, sit and relax with a tea. Go visit my incredibly wonderful horse. He prescribed me a very mild anti-depressant (that is safe to take while nursing) and I've just made sure that I stop and take a deep breath. I think to myself how bad days don't mean the world is ending, that I need to remember that my children will never EVER be this small again and to enjoy every second. That housework will wait. Bills will wait (sort of). I also make sure that I talk about it to my husband and my close friends. I'm lucky to have a great group of friends from my barn. Most of them are mothers and so understanding. One of them suggested taking vitamins, and to eat better and take care of myself. The less tired I feel and the better I take care of myself, the better I will feel mentally and emotionally.


I also started seriously thinking about where I want my life to go. I do not want to be a stay-at-home mom forever. I want a career of my own that I love and one that brings me happiness. I want to help animals and I want to help people. I found this online program- through a friend- that I am really interested in. I would have a year of school and then graduate to become a "Health Coach". I'm still in the process of researching, but so far I am so excited about what I've read. I'm already so passionate about nutrition and truly believe that the health crisis that exists can only be solved by good nutrition and healthy living, and this program just expands on those ideals. It sounds right up my alley!


I read this post today on Facebook and I think it put a lot into perspective for me. I'll share it here, because I think it will speak volumes to other parents as well.

The Kind Life

I haven't posted anything about being a veggie in a while, because I don't make it my goal to be a "preachy" person. But because this blog is something I started about my kids and my kids are veggies, it's semi-related!

My sister recently sent me the link to a video online discussing all the "bad stuff" that is in food. She was horrified, and couldn't believe how long she'd eaten so many of the things featured in the video without a second thought. We started texting back and forth about how Stu and I buy items from the health food store and try to find things (from household cleaning supplies to our fruit and veggies) that are naturally derived and free from chemicals. My sister (Meghan) then said she wanted to go to the health food store next time I go. I sent her links to some of the resources that I've found useful in the past. She watched videos and read studies. She came with me to the health food store and ended up buying vitamins, free trade health items and foods, deoderant and toothpaste. She's always been a bit like me in that she is thirsty for knowledge and researches things that interest her until there is nothing left to read about the subject. She even joked "I think I'm becoming a veggie!".

I texted her yesterday and asked "have you eaten meat lately?" and she responded with "nope". She watched a movie I recommended (Earthlings) and said she cried through the whole thing and that it was crazy.

My poor parents are going to have to now add another "veggie" serving to the table at family dinners!

Another friend recently watched some videos about factory farming and decided to try the veggie lifestyle and asked for some advice. When she asked for a rundown about the food Gage eats in a day, I started thinking about the things I want Gage (and Finn) to remember when he's older. I think every parent tries to teach their children to be kind and to live compassionately. What I find odd, is that parents try to do this while feeding other animals to their children. It just makes no sense to me! I know meat eating people that are kind and live compassionately, absolutely. But I feel like part of the process of teaching our children something, anything really, is that we have to set that example ourselves. Just like when our kids are old enough to understand that swearing is bad, all parents go through the "stop swearing" phase and have that difficult time substituting a certain "F" word with something much more tame when they stub their toe. Or how we try to teach our children manners and how to use "please" and "thank you" but then behind the wheel on the way to the grocery store we have copious amounts of road rage (I might be guilty of this) and also use certain "F" words. I don't feel like we could truly succeed in teaching our children to be compassionate adults that are kind to ALL beings and to teach them that all beings are equal while also using other animals to nourish their bodies. For holiday dinners. To test on to ensure our cosmetics and health supplies are safe.

I know there are a lot of people out there who believe that the animals slaughtered for our food (or those used to test products on) are not equal to us. We are superior humans, that have through centuries become these advanced beings that have accomplished so much more then any other species on earth.

....that have become ruthless animals that with wars, murder, racism, sexism, class systems, poverty, starvation, polluting, oil spilling, genocide, and disease ridden.

Because we can?

I would like, and strive to teach, my children to grow up in a peaceful world where we don't use another species to survive. That they are to be kind to others regardless of species, class system, background, colour. So far, I think that Stu and I are on the right track.

Just some food for thought.

A Little Late...

I meant to post this on Valentines Day but never got around to it!

Just a warning to anyone reading that this is going to be a sappy post.


I have the best husband in the WHOLE world. He's really really really really REALLY great.


Every couple has ups and downs in their relationship, but it seems no matter what kind of hand life deals us, Stu and I always hold a united front. I can always depend on him to pick up the pieces when I have a bad day, and he's the best daddy to my boys. Sometimes we bicker like crazy, sometimes he pisses me off and I give him the "silent your-in-the-dog-house treatment", sometimes his jokes aren't funny, sometimes he "forgets" to shave and his patchy beard is gross, sometimes he yells in his sleep or snores his face off and keeps me awake, sometimes he has the WORST gas EVER. Sometimes he's the most stubborn mule on EARTH. Sometimes he is super loud in the morning when he gets up for work, sometimes he is a bit of a piggy and drops food all over the kitchen floor.....


But then he makes up for it by all the awesome things he does.


He's super hard working. He's really really really smart. He's funnier then I usually want to admit. He's a really good friend to his friends. He's silly. He acts all shy at first when he meets people but really, he's SUPER loud. He tells me I'm beautiful when I know I'm not, and he tells me he loves me when I'm sure I don't deserve it. He and I share the same parenting ideals. He's a great cook. He cleans (without being asked). He yells at me when I need it. He sings silly songs to our boys. He never hesitates to catch puke and sooth a sick Gage when he needs it. He makes sacrifices so I can have alone time and time at the barn with my horse.


Really, the list goes on.


This past Family Day, after a really rough week, Stu and I left Gage with my parents (he had a tiny cold) and we packed Finn up to go to the barn. Stu sat on a chair in the indoor arena cuddling a baby while I rode my horse. It was -15 outside. He was also seated right next to the muck bucket full of horse poop. Not only did he not complain, but he watched me ride and applauded Dusty's accomplishments right along with me.


I think I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. I love you Stu!

Dusty on a platform

Barn Baby!

Craft Time

Just thought I'd share a cute craft Gage and I did recently!

I gave him a baking sheet with a layer of baking soda spread on it (cover table with newspaper to start but this craft really isn't messy!) and a bowl of vinegar. We used food colouring to make it more fun, and it makes it more holiday appropriate (green for upcoming St Patty's day). We used an old medicine dropper but any little things can be used and would make it more fun. He used the medicine dropper to suck up vinegar and drop it onto the baking soda. So simple but so fun! He played with this for over an hour, I just had to refill his baking soda an vinegar once. Every time he dropped vinegar on the baking soda he yelled "whoa!". We will definitely be doing this again soon!

More Advice

I posted on thebump.com yesterday to see if any other mom's had breastfeeding advice to offer and a few more mom's posted.

Here's the link to that too!

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/71653648.aspx