I used to be a big fan of revenge. Ask any one of my ex-boyfriends. (Ha!)
It used to make me feel so much better.
Becoming a mom changed me though, and I see things a little differently.
Maybe this comes across as being a bit naive, but I just can't help but share. I hope I can teach my boys this philosophy as well.
Remember the Dr Seuss book, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", when the Grinch goes around Whoville and takes all the Christmas presents and decorations from the Who houses? The Who's wake up and come together regardless of there being no presents and they hold hands and sing and are just happy to have one another.
When you hear the news about how one nation is at war with another nation because X nation did THIS to nation Y etc etc etc... at what point will it stop? If you look at the war on terrorism, President Bush came out 9/11 and said "they will pay". But to what extent? There have been FAR MORE Afghanistan and Iraq citizens killed since that day then US citizens. (116,657 Iraqi civilians, not including soldiers or Afghan citizens, 66,077 American's killed since 9/11 in total, source: Wikipedia) Every war is the same. We are LITERALLY teaching our children that it is okay to retaliate when someone does something wrong to you.
While I know this is a complicated issue that has many more complexities to it, I feel like the basis of it was approached all wrong. It has been with every war.
My grandfather was in the Navy during WW2, and enlisted illegally while underage. While I grew up proud that he fought to make sure I am free and all continuing generations are free, my viewpoint of the military system during present events has drastically changed. I don't support it. We send soldiers to a war that isn't ours that has gone on YEARS too long only to be injured (physically or mentally), then they come home with the expectation that the military will help them back on their feet only to find that no, they do not. So much for thanks! It's sad. And not many people are aware. Every Remembrance Day ceremony is a SCAM. I stand up and remember those that were lost in a stupid war for no freaking reason and left so many families broken. I stand up and I think about all the veterans that are living on the streets, struggling every single day with PTSD and who are receiving NO HELP from our government. I think about my grandfather and how disgusted he would be. Because he would be.
Yeah, I realize now I should probably have a flame suit on. I'm sure I'll be called un-patriotic for this post, blah blah blah.
What happened to peace?
"An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind". -Ghandi
*end rant, zips up flame suit*
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Self-Care
I've recently learned a valuable lesson. As a busy mom, I put my children before myself. When they are hungry, I make them food and most of the time forget to feed myself. By the time I remember, I end up eating my meal standing up or between feeding bites to the baby. Or over a nursing baby. When we go out somewhere, more often then not my children are clean, well dressed, clean diapers, bag of "baby stuff" is packed and I have my shopping list.... but am I ready? Nope! I've had a few close calls of *almost* walking out the door in my pajamas. Without brushing my hair (and usually, I don't care enough to run upstairs and brush it... inevitably THAT is when I see someone I know while out!) or brushing my teeth. I think so many mom's can relate.
The valuable lesson though, is that I NEED to take that time for myself. Sometimes I'm dead tired, but I still manage to brush my teeth, wash my face, put together an outfit (sometimes I don't even wear yoga pants!) and EVEN put makeup on. I always feel so much better for it.
Eventually, I learned to do even more for myself.
You know that feeling of relief, of "ahhhhhh, YES!" when you put your freshly bathed babes down for the night and they fall soundly asleep? Instead of watching TV and eating junk food, I sit on the floor and do some gentle stretching, yoga and pilates, followed by some deep breathing and something I discovered called The Tapping Solution (link to follow). Then I'd drink a green tea. Sometimes, depending on the day, a glass of good red wine. Sure, I'd be staying up a bit later, and all those things exerts more energy then what I used to do (lying on the couch eating junk food)... but you know what? I'd fall asleep faster, sleep sounder. I'd wake up feeling more refreshed. I smiled faster at my children and random strangers, and most importantly, I learned to let go of stress MUCH faster. I also have far more energy throughout the day then before.
It is perfectly natural to forget to care for yourself when you have children. There is nothing wrong with that. Children take up so much attention and it's easy to forget yourself as a priority. What I've discovered, is that I am a better mother (and wife!) when I make myself a priority. I'm happier, calmer, more patient and relaxed. It doesn't mean you have to stay up until 1am working out, meditating, painting your nails etc. It's just about finding the beauty in the doing the simple things ALONE. Take your time showering. Do a face mask before getting in the shower. Make yourself a special healthy snack. Meditate. Watch a girly movie. Drink a green tea. Whatever makes you happy! If you find it hard to remember, set the alarm on your phone. Put sticky notes on the mirror. Just do it! MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY!!!
Here is a link to a simple and quick guide to Tapping Out. It's really great for releasing stress and giving you a sense of calm after a hard and long day. http://gabbyb.tv/vlogging/how-to-reduce-stress
The valuable lesson though, is that I NEED to take that time for myself. Sometimes I'm dead tired, but I still manage to brush my teeth, wash my face, put together an outfit (sometimes I don't even wear yoga pants!) and EVEN put makeup on. I always feel so much better for it.
Eventually, I learned to do even more for myself.
You know that feeling of relief, of "ahhhhhh, YES!" when you put your freshly bathed babes down for the night and they fall soundly asleep? Instead of watching TV and eating junk food, I sit on the floor and do some gentle stretching, yoga and pilates, followed by some deep breathing and something I discovered called The Tapping Solution (link to follow). Then I'd drink a green tea. Sometimes, depending on the day, a glass of good red wine. Sure, I'd be staying up a bit later, and all those things exerts more energy then what I used to do (lying on the couch eating junk food)... but you know what? I'd fall asleep faster, sleep sounder. I'd wake up feeling more refreshed. I smiled faster at my children and random strangers, and most importantly, I learned to let go of stress MUCH faster. I also have far more energy throughout the day then before.
It is perfectly natural to forget to care for yourself when you have children. There is nothing wrong with that. Children take up so much attention and it's easy to forget yourself as a priority. What I've discovered, is that I am a better mother (and wife!) when I make myself a priority. I'm happier, calmer, more patient and relaxed. It doesn't mean you have to stay up until 1am working out, meditating, painting your nails etc. It's just about finding the beauty in the doing the simple things ALONE. Take your time showering. Do a face mask before getting in the shower. Make yourself a special healthy snack. Meditate. Watch a girly movie. Drink a green tea. Whatever makes you happy! If you find it hard to remember, set the alarm on your phone. Put sticky notes on the mirror. Just do it! MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY!!!
Here is a link to a simple and quick guide to Tapping Out. It's really great for releasing stress and giving you a sense of calm after a hard and long day. http://gabbyb.tv/vlogging/how-to-reduce-stress
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Meat Party
A friend and I were talking recently about how difficult it can be as a veggie (either vegetarian or vegan) to go to parties. With or without kids, it can pose a challenge.
Typically if we get invited to a summer BBQ or birthday party, those that are our close friends plan on having veggie snacks there, and usually even have a few veggie burgers to throw on the grill for us.
But what about when Gage starts school in September and we delve into the world of being invited to kids parties? We have been invited to parties where we ended up not eating anything, and we unfortunately had to learn that some people just aren't accommodating and find our lifestyle to be "silly" and just don't give a shit about having food we can eat.
When I was pregnant with Finn, we had our gender revealing party at our house and all the food was vegan. People LOVED it. We didn't tell most of them it was vegan until after the party, and so many of them were surprised. I think my biggest problem right now is when we go to a kids birthday party and the cake is store bought and full of dairy and sugar. I want to let my children indulge sometimes (They will definitely be going out for Halloween!) but because they aren't used to eating so much sugar and dairy in one sitting... and poor quality dairy and sugar at that... it just overwhelms their system.
I'm lucky that we have a family of close friends that planned so thoughtfully for us to attend their son's party. The cake was dairy, egg and sugar free (and delicious!) and they had veggie burgers for us, that they not only made for us but also kept separate from the rest of the meat on the grill.
So how do you deal at a party? Make sure when you accept an invitation, whether it be online or in person, you ask them if there will be meat-free items (or whatever else your diet restricts) available for you to eat. If you don't know for sure about what will be there, eat before going. When it comes to a sit down meal with friends at someone's house, offer to help plan a veggie meal, or even help prepare it, just so you can feel comfortable about attending and give the host a break from trying to feed a veggie (not that it is REALLY that hard!)
Most of my closest friends now are transitioning to eating healthier (one of the perks of knowing me, I guess!) and this includes eating less meat, sugar, dairy and eggs.
Another challenge we've faced in the past, is when we have people over for a get together and they ask if we can have meat for them. The point being "if I have to make veggie dishes when you come to our parties, you should make meat for me when we come to your house!". My answer is no, no I don't. I can guarantee comfortably that whatever veggie meal I make for a party will taste as good as if not better then your average meat-filled meal. I also kind of think of it as if asking a person allergic to peanuts to have peanut butter at their party for those not allergic to it.
When it comes to Gage (and eventually Finn) attending birthday parties for kids at school, I plan on RSVP-ing and letting the parents know that they are veggie. While Gage is still at this age, I know parents usually attend the party with their child. By the time he is old enough to go without me, he will know himself to request meat free, sugar free, dairy free and egg free dishes.
Here is a link to a book on Amazon I plan on buying for my boys soon, I think it is a great idea to explain to them that we don't eat animals.
http://www.amazon.ca/Thats-Why-Dont-Eat-Animals/dp/1556437854/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374070196&sr=8-1&keywords=why+we+don%27t+eat+animals
Typically if we get invited to a summer BBQ or birthday party, those that are our close friends plan on having veggie snacks there, and usually even have a few veggie burgers to throw on the grill for us.
But what about when Gage starts school in September and we delve into the world of being invited to kids parties? We have been invited to parties where we ended up not eating anything, and we unfortunately had to learn that some people just aren't accommodating and find our lifestyle to be "silly" and just don't give a shit about having food we can eat.
When I was pregnant with Finn, we had our gender revealing party at our house and all the food was vegan. People LOVED it. We didn't tell most of them it was vegan until after the party, and so many of them were surprised. I think my biggest problem right now is when we go to a kids birthday party and the cake is store bought and full of dairy and sugar. I want to let my children indulge sometimes (They will definitely be going out for Halloween!) but because they aren't used to eating so much sugar and dairy in one sitting... and poor quality dairy and sugar at that... it just overwhelms their system.
I'm lucky that we have a family of close friends that planned so thoughtfully for us to attend their son's party. The cake was dairy, egg and sugar free (and delicious!) and they had veggie burgers for us, that they not only made for us but also kept separate from the rest of the meat on the grill.
So how do you deal at a party? Make sure when you accept an invitation, whether it be online or in person, you ask them if there will be meat-free items (or whatever else your diet restricts) available for you to eat. If you don't know for sure about what will be there, eat before going. When it comes to a sit down meal with friends at someone's house, offer to help plan a veggie meal, or even help prepare it, just so you can feel comfortable about attending and give the host a break from trying to feed a veggie (not that it is REALLY that hard!)
Most of my closest friends now are transitioning to eating healthier (one of the perks of knowing me, I guess!) and this includes eating less meat, sugar, dairy and eggs.
Another challenge we've faced in the past, is when we have people over for a get together and they ask if we can have meat for them. The point being "if I have to make veggie dishes when you come to our parties, you should make meat for me when we come to your house!". My answer is no, no I don't. I can guarantee comfortably that whatever veggie meal I make for a party will taste as good as if not better then your average meat-filled meal. I also kind of think of it as if asking a person allergic to peanuts to have peanut butter at their party for those not allergic to it.
When it comes to Gage (and eventually Finn) attending birthday parties for kids at school, I plan on RSVP-ing and letting the parents know that they are veggie. While Gage is still at this age, I know parents usually attend the party with their child. By the time he is old enough to go without me, he will know himself to request meat free, sugar free, dairy free and egg free dishes.
Here is a link to a book on Amazon I plan on buying for my boys soon, I think it is a great idea to explain to them that we don't eat animals.
http://www.amazon.ca/Thats-Why-Dont-Eat-Animals/dp/1556437854/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374070196&sr=8-1&keywords=why+we+don%27t+eat+animals
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Healthy Image
It's been a few weeks since I had a moment to post something, moving is definitely not something I want to relive anytime soon! Now that we are settled (somewhat) into our new house, I thought I'd write a post about something that I feel is important or should be important to all mom's.
I want to talk a little about diets.
As I've mentioned previously, my mom was a SAHM for just shy of 17 years. When I was a kid, probably around 8-ish years old, I remember my mom dieting. She tended to join Weight Watchers for a few months, lose some weight, then stop attending the meetings. I remember some of her Weight Watchers dinners that we were all served, some yummy and some not-so-yummy, and while I know she tried to keep how she felt about her body away from my younger sister and I, it inevitably affected me.
She never described herself as "fat" or used any derogatory terms, but she would buy "Women's World" magazines with claims like "Lose 30 pounds by Christmas!" etched across the cover, she would watch Entertainment Tonight in the evenings and she NEVER EVER wore a dress or a bathing suit. Not in my memory at least.
As I was entering into high school, she joined Weight Watchers again and lost more weight then she ever had previously. No matter how much weight she lost, it never seemed to change how she felt about herself.
There's an article I read recently that was written by an adult daughter to her mother after just having her own daughter and I found it so empowering.
As children, we all think our mom is the most beautiful creature on earth. She loves us, comforts us, soothes our fears, makes us meals, plays with us and takes care of us when we are sick. At some point in childhood, we suddenly become aware that our mom thinks she is ugly, fat, unworthy and wishes she could change her body. Be skinnier. Then we look at ourselves, as young girls that tend towards awkward pre-teen body-esteem issues, and so begins the cycle of poor self-esteem and negative body image.
While we can't always control the media outlets and how they control the trends of what is beautiful and what isn't, we can absolutely control what our children know as beautiful and real. I don't have a biological daughter, but I have watched this horrible cycle begin to raise it's ugly head in my step daughter and it makes me sad. Whether we are the mother's to daughters or sons we should be teaching our children that HEALTH is beautiful. While those adopting the diet programs that have become so popular in North America have good intentions, it tells our children that we are not satisfied with our body. It makes so much more sense to adopt healthy habits and embrace our body. Diet programs are designed to assist in losing weight, but they do not give you the self esteem you lost somewhere along the way.
I've talked before about how much I love my stretch marks from my pregnancies and am not afraid to show them. This just goes a step further. I don't want either of my boys to become self conscious, or judge someone that isn't societies version of "beautiful" just because they want to wear a bathing suit at the beach. It's about feeling comfortable in our bodies and encouraging our children to do the same. Statistics show that 81% of 10 year old girls are afraid of being fat. 51% of 9 and 10 year old girls feel better about themselves when they are on a diet.
Let's all set a positive, healthy example for our children so they can grow to be healthy, strong, and their own version of beautiful.
Here's a link to the beautiful article I read that inspired this post: http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/8760102/When-your-mother-says-shes-fat
I want to talk a little about diets.
As I've mentioned previously, my mom was a SAHM for just shy of 17 years. When I was a kid, probably around 8-ish years old, I remember my mom dieting. She tended to join Weight Watchers for a few months, lose some weight, then stop attending the meetings. I remember some of her Weight Watchers dinners that we were all served, some yummy and some not-so-yummy, and while I know she tried to keep how she felt about her body away from my younger sister and I, it inevitably affected me.
She never described herself as "fat" or used any derogatory terms, but she would buy "Women's World" magazines with claims like "Lose 30 pounds by Christmas!" etched across the cover, she would watch Entertainment Tonight in the evenings and she NEVER EVER wore a dress or a bathing suit. Not in my memory at least.
As I was entering into high school, she joined Weight Watchers again and lost more weight then she ever had previously. No matter how much weight she lost, it never seemed to change how she felt about herself.
There's an article I read recently that was written by an adult daughter to her mother after just having her own daughter and I found it so empowering.
As children, we all think our mom is the most beautiful creature on earth. She loves us, comforts us, soothes our fears, makes us meals, plays with us and takes care of us when we are sick. At some point in childhood, we suddenly become aware that our mom thinks she is ugly, fat, unworthy and wishes she could change her body. Be skinnier. Then we look at ourselves, as young girls that tend towards awkward pre-teen body-esteem issues, and so begins the cycle of poor self-esteem and negative body image.
While we can't always control the media outlets and how they control the trends of what is beautiful and what isn't, we can absolutely control what our children know as beautiful and real. I don't have a biological daughter, but I have watched this horrible cycle begin to raise it's ugly head in my step daughter and it makes me sad. Whether we are the mother's to daughters or sons we should be teaching our children that HEALTH is beautiful. While those adopting the diet programs that have become so popular in North America have good intentions, it tells our children that we are not satisfied with our body. It makes so much more sense to adopt healthy habits and embrace our body. Diet programs are designed to assist in losing weight, but they do not give you the self esteem you lost somewhere along the way.
I've talked before about how much I love my stretch marks from my pregnancies and am not afraid to show them. This just goes a step further. I don't want either of my boys to become self conscious, or judge someone that isn't societies version of "beautiful" just because they want to wear a bathing suit at the beach. It's about feeling comfortable in our bodies and encouraging our children to do the same. Statistics show that 81% of 10 year old girls are afraid of being fat. 51% of 9 and 10 year old girls feel better about themselves when they are on a diet.
Let's all set a positive, healthy example for our children so they can grow to be healthy, strong, and their own version of beautiful.
Here's a link to the beautiful article I read that inspired this post: http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/8760102/When-your-mother-says-shes-fat
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Happily Married
While Stuart and I haven't been married long (3 years this November), I'm able to safely say that we have a solid marriage. I also feel like over the years we've been together, I've been able to compile a list of what to do and not to do in a marriage and ways you can improve your married life. Or at least what works for us. Seeing as your partner is someone that you live with and are "stuck" with for the rest of your life, I think we can all agree that it is a constant work in progress. We are constantly evolving as we age and go through life experiences, which means our relationships also evolve and change. Here are some observations I've made, not only in my own marriage, but in observing others.
...And no, my husband does not know I'm writing this, hehe!
10 Steps to Being Happily Married
10. Love and respect yourself first. You can't expect someone to love you for who you are if you don't! This is so much more common then people think.
9. Never EVER EVER EVER talk negatively about your spouse. EVER. I don't care if it is to your mom, your BFF, a priest or ANYONE. Just don't. It will always come back to you and afterwards you will ALWAYS feel guilty. Loyalty is sexy, even if you're mad as hell. My parents are guilty of doing this, and I learned it specifically from them and make sure I DON'T do the same. I know, I just ratted out my mom and dad. Sorry.
8. No name-calling. No matter how angry you are at your spouse, refrain from name-calling when arguing with him/her. It's demoralizing to the other person, below the belt, and just overall damaging to the relationship.
7. Don't sweat the small stuff/pick your battles. Yes, my husband LOVES to track mud through the house with his workboots. ALWAYS after I vacuum. It's not cool. Yes, I clean it up. USUALLY I don't comment. You know why? Because I make a mess in the kitchen when I cook, and he cleans it up. He USUALLY doesn't comment either. He also NEVER changes the toilet paper roll. I always discover this too late. It sucks. I used to take the empty roll and chuck it at him, wherever he was in the house. Now I just change it. He also gets toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror when he brushes his teeth. It drives me CRAZY. But at the end of a long work week, he comes home from a week away working really hard and he plays with the boys and gives them baths and does the bedtime routine. Or he gets up early the next morning with them to let me sleep. So I let it go.
6. It's okay to tease and be sarcastic. It's not okay to do so at the expense of the other person's emotions. There is a line, and seeing as it is your spouse that you live with and know so well, the other spouse usually knows where that line exists. Just don't cross it. If they do, make sure you voice that your feelings are hurt. It's okay to come down to that level and admit that you didn't like something they said. This way, not only will it not happen in the future, but it will also keep the "airwaves" open- and talking about how you feel is far more important then most husbands (sorry guys) are willing to admit.
5. Make a point to ask the other how his/her day was! This is something that I will openly admit I have a hard time remembering. Stu has a hard job and works long hours. It's physically testing, and mentally tiring. I stay home with 2 crazy kids and some days I feel like I'm ready to rip my hair out. It's important to ask on those days how the other is doing, because respecting the responsibilities your spouse has and validating that they work hard can make a HUGE difference. I always feel so much more capable when Stu acknowledges how hard MY job is.
4. Trust and faith. This is also something I have a hard time with! I'm a little bit of a control freak (only a little), and I tend to do all the organizing and planning in the family. My desk as I write this is littered with my "lists" for various activities and I'm pretty well known for my "list ridiculousness". Stu is a "fly-by-my-seat" sorta guy, and is perfectly okay with things being planned for him. As previously posted, we are moving (a week today!) and while Stu has been away all month long, I've been organizing the move. I finally had a massive overflowing plate, so I decided to pass some things off to Stu. I told him to find a moving truck. While I keep feeling this nagging doubt that he won't find something and will fail miserably, I also know that he has never let me down. I know he'll find something, because I asked him to and because he's awesome. And just because.
3. Make time for dates! I stress this a lot, but mostly because I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old and Stuart and I haven't been on a date in a really really long time. We make a point to have a "home date" on weekends, where we make really yummy snack food and watch a new movie. We also need to get out more. Sometimes relaxing without kids can relieve stress from work, kids, finances, and any other responsibilities It reminds us why we ended up together in the first place.
2. Romance is NOT dead. Don't even get me started. This goes both ways, and should not be put solely on the guy! It's a 50/50 job! I have a very "unromantic" husband by most "standards" (and by "standards" I mean Hollywood, lol). He doesn't make a point to plan candle light dinners and plan dates for us, but mostly because I'M a control freak and plan everything for us. He is really good at picking presents for birthdays and Christmas, and really thoughtful when it comes to gift giving. He says really sweet things that even 5 years into our relationship make me blush like a schoolgirl! I rag on him sometimes for not being romantic enough, but really, he's romantic enough by MY standards.
1. Lastly and MOST importantly, communicate! It's so important to talk! I know, I'm a girl, and any man that just read that literally rolled their eyes. But it IS true. Stu and I actually don't fight often, we have heated conversations, but usually it's because we are both upset about the same thing and on the same "side" in the "argument" and just venting. The few times we have had "fights" (and I should definitely iterate that fighting in a relationship is HEALTHY), he fights like how I would call, a typical man. It drives me a little nuts. After 5 years, he seems to slowly get that it's really important for us to talk it out and solve our issues. Generally in a fight, Stu walks away (while muttering, or yelling) and yells from another room. He so rarely "fights" with me face to face unless I corner him (literally, physically corner him). He also raises his voice REALLY early in any "argument". It also seems that no matter how big of a fight we have, he is perfectly capable of rolling over in bed and going to sleep while I lay there fuming while I toss and turn all night long. Actually, not all night. I usually end up waking him. And making him talk more. I can't not resolve things quickly. Maybe that isn't healthy, but it's my "fighting style". Stu finally seems to be catching on. The way I see it, is that I just don't want to leave things angry and then have him go away for a week of work while we aren't talking. I always think what if something happens to him and that is the last conversation we ever have? I don't want the last conversation we have to be out of anger, I want the last thing to have been said between us was "I love you, have a good week".
While I know this list is pretty vague, and Stuart and I haven't been married long, these key basics work for us. I think I'll come back and re-do this list after we've been married for 30+ years and see what has changed!
...And no, my husband does not know I'm writing this, hehe!
10 Steps to Being Happily Married
10. Love and respect yourself first. You can't expect someone to love you for who you are if you don't! This is so much more common then people think.
9. Never EVER EVER EVER talk negatively about your spouse. EVER. I don't care if it is to your mom, your BFF, a priest or ANYONE. Just don't. It will always come back to you and afterwards you will ALWAYS feel guilty. Loyalty is sexy, even if you're mad as hell. My parents are guilty of doing this, and I learned it specifically from them and make sure I DON'T do the same. I know, I just ratted out my mom and dad. Sorry.
8. No name-calling. No matter how angry you are at your spouse, refrain from name-calling when arguing with him/her. It's demoralizing to the other person, below the belt, and just overall damaging to the relationship.
7. Don't sweat the small stuff/pick your battles. Yes, my husband LOVES to track mud through the house with his workboots. ALWAYS after I vacuum. It's not cool. Yes, I clean it up. USUALLY I don't comment. You know why? Because I make a mess in the kitchen when I cook, and he cleans it up. He USUALLY doesn't comment either. He also NEVER changes the toilet paper roll. I always discover this too late. It sucks. I used to take the empty roll and chuck it at him, wherever he was in the house. Now I just change it. He also gets toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror when he brushes his teeth. It drives me CRAZY. But at the end of a long work week, he comes home from a week away working really hard and he plays with the boys and gives them baths and does the bedtime routine. Or he gets up early the next morning with them to let me sleep. So I let it go.
6. It's okay to tease and be sarcastic. It's not okay to do so at the expense of the other person's emotions. There is a line, and seeing as it is your spouse that you live with and know so well, the other spouse usually knows where that line exists. Just don't cross it. If they do, make sure you voice that your feelings are hurt. It's okay to come down to that level and admit that you didn't like something they said. This way, not only will it not happen in the future, but it will also keep the "airwaves" open- and talking about how you feel is far more important then most husbands (sorry guys) are willing to admit.
5. Make a point to ask the other how his/her day was! This is something that I will openly admit I have a hard time remembering. Stu has a hard job and works long hours. It's physically testing, and mentally tiring. I stay home with 2 crazy kids and some days I feel like I'm ready to rip my hair out. It's important to ask on those days how the other is doing, because respecting the responsibilities your spouse has and validating that they work hard can make a HUGE difference. I always feel so much more capable when Stu acknowledges how hard MY job is.
4. Trust and faith. This is also something I have a hard time with! I'm a little bit of a control freak (only a little), and I tend to do all the organizing and planning in the family. My desk as I write this is littered with my "lists" for various activities and I'm pretty well known for my "list ridiculousness". Stu is a "fly-by-my-seat" sorta guy, and is perfectly okay with things being planned for him. As previously posted, we are moving (a week today!) and while Stu has been away all month long, I've been organizing the move. I finally had a massive overflowing plate, so I decided to pass some things off to Stu. I told him to find a moving truck. While I keep feeling this nagging doubt that he won't find something and will fail miserably, I also know that he has never let me down. I know he'll find something, because I asked him to and because he's awesome. And just because.
3. Make time for dates! I stress this a lot, but mostly because I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old and Stuart and I haven't been on a date in a really really long time. We make a point to have a "home date" on weekends, where we make really yummy snack food and watch a new movie. We also need to get out more. Sometimes relaxing without kids can relieve stress from work, kids, finances, and any other responsibilities It reminds us why we ended up together in the first place.
2. Romance is NOT dead. Don't even get me started. This goes both ways, and should not be put solely on the guy! It's a 50/50 job! I have a very "unromantic" husband by most "standards" (and by "standards" I mean Hollywood, lol). He doesn't make a point to plan candle light dinners and plan dates for us, but mostly because I'M a control freak and plan everything for us. He is really good at picking presents for birthdays and Christmas, and really thoughtful when it comes to gift giving. He says really sweet things that even 5 years into our relationship make me blush like a schoolgirl! I rag on him sometimes for not being romantic enough, but really, he's romantic enough by MY standards.
1. Lastly and MOST importantly, communicate! It's so important to talk! I know, I'm a girl, and any man that just read that literally rolled their eyes. But it IS true. Stu and I actually don't fight often, we have heated conversations, but usually it's because we are both upset about the same thing and on the same "side" in the "argument" and just venting. The few times we have had "fights" (and I should definitely iterate that fighting in a relationship is HEALTHY), he fights like how I would call, a typical man. It drives me a little nuts. After 5 years, he seems to slowly get that it's really important for us to talk it out and solve our issues. Generally in a fight, Stu walks away (while muttering, or yelling) and yells from another room. He so rarely "fights" with me face to face unless I corner him (literally, physically corner him). He also raises his voice REALLY early in any "argument". It also seems that no matter how big of a fight we have, he is perfectly capable of rolling over in bed and going to sleep while I lay there fuming while I toss and turn all night long. Actually, not all night. I usually end up waking him. And making him talk more. I can't not resolve things quickly. Maybe that isn't healthy, but it's my "fighting style". Stu finally seems to be catching on. The way I see it, is that I just don't want to leave things angry and then have him go away for a week of work while we aren't talking. I always think what if something happens to him and that is the last conversation we ever have? I don't want the last conversation we have to be out of anger, I want the last thing to have been said between us was "I love you, have a good week".
While I know this list is pretty vague, and Stuart and I haven't been married long, these key basics work for us. I think I'll come back and re-do this list after we've been married for 30+ years and see what has changed!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
About Me
I know it has been a while since I last posted. We have decided to move as of June 1st, so things have a been a bit hectic here!
We are moving across town to a more centralized spot, and also going from our massive 4 bedroom house (that we don't even use all of!) to a 3 bedroom home. We are excited and looking forward to the move, but I'm going to be so sad leaving this house.
I was recently updating some of my website (http://clearyhealthandwellness.healthcoach.integrativenutrition.com/) and while filling out the "About Me" section, I realized just how far I've come in the last 3 years!
I used to be marginally shy. Once someone got to know me, I never shut up, but up until that point I was pretty quiet (I think a lot of people will have a hard time believing that!). Things changed after I had Gage, and I became a bit more outspoken and especially more opinionated. A lot of that had to do with our decision to raise him as a vegetarian. We were met with a lot of skepticism and that made my back go up and I was constantly on the "defense mode" with other's, even if they were supportive. From there on out, up until more recently, I came across as a negative and angry person. That also talked a lot.
I thought I would share a little bit about why I decided to become a "veggie" and why I continue to raise my family as "little veggies" as well.
Since childhood I've not liked eating meat. I was picky about the texture, what it looked like, the temperature, everything! My parents used to make me sit at the table until all my steak/chicken/pork was done. I'd eat all my veggies, but never did I eat all my meat. As I became older and moved out, I decided that eating animals was not for me. I have always been a huge animal lover, and knowing that one suffered such a miserable beginning, middle and end just so I could have a burger didn't sit well with me. So I stopped eating meat. I was still pretty young, and did very little research to make sure I was still eating healthy. Over the years, I slowly got my hands onto some amazing books and documentaries and I learned more about vegetarianism. I began to slowly discover the health benefits to not eating animal products (or at least less animal products, I consumed eggs and dairy for a while). I began to share my findings with friends and family. No one seemed to care, and I was always angry that people chose to live in, what I called, ignorance. How can someone claim to love animals so much but still enjoy a steak?
The phrase "I love animals, I don't really eat meat. Just chicken and turkey" used to make me so angry!
When Gage was born and I all of a sudden had this adorable little person to care for, I knew in my heart I couldn't possibly give him meat when I didn't eat it. I knew nothing about raising a vegetarian child. So I read some more. I visited health care professionals. I'm lucky that my family doctor, while skeptical at first, gave me resources and trusted my judgement. He is now one of our largest supporters. We had so many people, both friends and family, try to talk us out of raising Gage a veggie. People assumed he wouldn't grow at the same rate as other kids, he'd be behind mentally, would get sick all the time, etc etc etc. We were even in some cases laughed at! All of this made me mad. I knew I was doing what was best for my family and people dared question so much of what I was doing. I was so lucky to have such a supportive husband, who did just as much reading as I did and decided on his own terms to also become a veggie. I was so proud of him! I still consider myself the luckiest girl alive.
Over the years, people have noticed that Gage is very rarely sick, has grown rapidly and is advanced in every way for his age. He eats a ton of veggies and fruits. He has this incredible thirst for life and makes so many people laugh and smile everyday. Then people just started curiously asking questions about our diet. Or they just started respecting the fact that we don't consume meat, and they became okay with that. My parents started planning dinners that were meatless whenever we came over for dinner.
Then I became pregnant with Finn, and started down a different path of my journey. I learned so much about myself during my pregnancy, labor and delivery. Shortly after, I became a student at Integrative Nutrition and realized that I really shouldn't be so negative and angry! People eat how they know, and people like me were meant to inspire people to live the best life they can, the healthiest way possible!
Not everyone was mean to be a veggie. Some people feel better physically and mentally while eating small amounts of animal protein. Do I think we, as a whole, need to consume less animal protein and animal products? Absolutely, hands down, without-a-freaking-doubt. With the obesity rate, chronic heart disease rate, cancer rate, diabetes rate, and a myriad of other diseases, we could all use a change. Food can heal anything.
So now, when someone says something like "Where do you get your protein?", "Your children are vegetarian/vegan? Do they grow the same rate that other children do?", "What do you eat/feed your children?" and the million other questions I get, instead of becoming angry and my back going up, I explain with a smile that yes, we are vegetarians, and yes, we are transitioning to veganism. We eat a ton of fruits, vegetables, beans and whole grains, my children are both above average for weight and height, are happy and healthy and very rarely (if ever) sick, protein is in vegetables and other natural sources and we LOVE knowing that nothing has to die or suffer in order for us to eat.
The moment I realized I needed to stop being so negative and angry, so many positive changes started happening for us. Now my family backs us in our decision and my parents have become vegetarian as well. My sister, completely on her own, decided to become a vegetarian (with very limited eggs and dairy) and I couldn't be more proud of them all!
We are moving across town to a more centralized spot, and also going from our massive 4 bedroom house (that we don't even use all of!) to a 3 bedroom home. We are excited and looking forward to the move, but I'm going to be so sad leaving this house.
I was recently updating some of my website (http://clearyhealthandwellness.healthcoach.integrativenutrition.com/) and while filling out the "About Me" section, I realized just how far I've come in the last 3 years!
I used to be marginally shy. Once someone got to know me, I never shut up, but up until that point I was pretty quiet (I think a lot of people will have a hard time believing that!). Things changed after I had Gage, and I became a bit more outspoken and especially more opinionated. A lot of that had to do with our decision to raise him as a vegetarian. We were met with a lot of skepticism and that made my back go up and I was constantly on the "defense mode" with other's, even if they were supportive. From there on out, up until more recently, I came across as a negative and angry person. That also talked a lot.
I thought I would share a little bit about why I decided to become a "veggie" and why I continue to raise my family as "little veggies" as well.
Since childhood I've not liked eating meat. I was picky about the texture, what it looked like, the temperature, everything! My parents used to make me sit at the table until all my steak/chicken/pork was done. I'd eat all my veggies, but never did I eat all my meat. As I became older and moved out, I decided that eating animals was not for me. I have always been a huge animal lover, and knowing that one suffered such a miserable beginning, middle and end just so I could have a burger didn't sit well with me. So I stopped eating meat. I was still pretty young, and did very little research to make sure I was still eating healthy. Over the years, I slowly got my hands onto some amazing books and documentaries and I learned more about vegetarianism. I began to slowly discover the health benefits to not eating animal products (or at least less animal products, I consumed eggs and dairy for a while). I began to share my findings with friends and family. No one seemed to care, and I was always angry that people chose to live in, what I called, ignorance. How can someone claim to love animals so much but still enjoy a steak?
The phrase "I love animals, I don't really eat meat. Just chicken and turkey" used to make me so angry!
When Gage was born and I all of a sudden had this adorable little person to care for, I knew in my heart I couldn't possibly give him meat when I didn't eat it. I knew nothing about raising a vegetarian child. So I read some more. I visited health care professionals. I'm lucky that my family doctor, while skeptical at first, gave me resources and trusted my judgement. He is now one of our largest supporters. We had so many people, both friends and family, try to talk us out of raising Gage a veggie. People assumed he wouldn't grow at the same rate as other kids, he'd be behind mentally, would get sick all the time, etc etc etc. We were even in some cases laughed at! All of this made me mad. I knew I was doing what was best for my family and people dared question so much of what I was doing. I was so lucky to have such a supportive husband, who did just as much reading as I did and decided on his own terms to also become a veggie. I was so proud of him! I still consider myself the luckiest girl alive.
Over the years, people have noticed that Gage is very rarely sick, has grown rapidly and is advanced in every way for his age. He eats a ton of veggies and fruits. He has this incredible thirst for life and makes so many people laugh and smile everyday. Then people just started curiously asking questions about our diet. Or they just started respecting the fact that we don't consume meat, and they became okay with that. My parents started planning dinners that were meatless whenever we came over for dinner.
Then I became pregnant with Finn, and started down a different path of my journey. I learned so much about myself during my pregnancy, labor and delivery. Shortly after, I became a student at Integrative Nutrition and realized that I really shouldn't be so negative and angry! People eat how they know, and people like me were meant to inspire people to live the best life they can, the healthiest way possible!
Not everyone was mean to be a veggie. Some people feel better physically and mentally while eating small amounts of animal protein. Do I think we, as a whole, need to consume less animal protein and animal products? Absolutely, hands down, without-a-freaking-doubt. With the obesity rate, chronic heart disease rate, cancer rate, diabetes rate, and a myriad of other diseases, we could all use a change. Food can heal anything.
So now, when someone says something like "Where do you get your protein?", "Your children are vegetarian/vegan? Do they grow the same rate that other children do?", "What do you eat/feed your children?" and the million other questions I get, instead of becoming angry and my back going up, I explain with a smile that yes, we are vegetarians, and yes, we are transitioning to veganism. We eat a ton of fruits, vegetables, beans and whole grains, my children are both above average for weight and height, are happy and healthy and very rarely (if ever) sick, protein is in vegetables and other natural sources and we LOVE knowing that nothing has to die or suffer in order for us to eat.
The moment I realized I needed to stop being so negative and angry, so many positive changes started happening for us. Now my family backs us in our decision and my parents have become vegetarian as well. My sister, completely on her own, decided to become a vegetarian (with very limited eggs and dairy) and I couldn't be more proud of them all!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Support System
Having a positive support system is really important. While I've had ups and downs in the last year and learned who my real friends are, I've also been so lucky to have such supportive people in my life. I have parents that stand behind all my endeavors 100% and never waiver in their loyalty, and a really really really supportive husband. I'm so lucky!
I also have 4 friends I'm going to humiliate by mentioning.
These 4 ladies check in on me when I'm alone all week while Stu is away for work, cheer me up with jokes and offer empathy when needed. They also offer amazing advice and wisdom. They are forever motivating and inspiring me to be a better person.
First off, is Ricky Bobby (which is what Gage calls her, not her real name). She's the older sister of an ex-boyfriend of mine, and while that should be weird and awkward, it usually isn't. Her whole family is full of the most incredibly loving people. Long after her brother and I split, I'm still welcome in their home, with my husband and kids, and invited to social gatherings. Gage is best friends with her son, and watching them grow together is so much fun. I don't think I would have made it through my first pregnancy without Ricky Bobby, and even though at the time she lived 2 provinces away from me, we texted all day every day. She's hilarious, awesome at cheering me up, and I can 100% of the time expect at least a "that really sucks" from her when I'm having a shitty day. She lets me rant to her about silly things, and swear a lot, and we both vent about "bad mommy days". She is hands down one of the best listeners ever. If I have a bad day, or if anything happens and I need someone, I know I could call her and she'd be there within minutes. With wine.
Second is Stacy. Her and I have known each other for years, and it first started with horses. Long before kids, I boarded Dusty at the barn she and her fiance (now husband) were running. My first impression of her was this beautiful bubbly blonde that literally has everything in the best way possible. She's positive ALL the time, loves everyone with all her heart, is an awesome riding coach that can convince you to do the hardest things on horseback while saying "please", and is such a good friend. I was lucky enough to attend her wedding back when I still boarded Dusty at her place, and it is hands down the best wedding I've ever attended. Her husband is hilarious, and together they are two of my favourite people ever. Stacy had her first son the same year I had Gage, and was pregnant when I told her I was pregnant (she was one of the first people I told and her first reaction was to GIGGLE). She has helped me with motherhood more then she could ever know. She now has 1 year old twins, and is such an inspiration as a mother, as a horseperson and overall as a person. I can go to her house and our kids will play while we talk all day about horses and kids. She always says the stuff everyone is thinking but hasn't said yet, she's the most hilarious drunk I've ever met, and always the life and center of every get-together/party. If Stacy attends your party, then you know it will be a good one. She came and sat up late with me shortly after I had Finn and talked to me because I was having such a hard time breastfeeding. She's definitely one of a kind.
Third is Fiona. Fiona has been mentioned on here before, and we originally know each other from work. I was working for a cable company as a customer service rep, while she was a supervisor at the head office. We've never met in person, but she has become such an incredible friend. She is in the same Nutrition school that I am, just a bit ahead of me. She was who told me about the program and encouraged me to do it. She is so wise, and whenever I'm having a bad day can offer advice that always cheers me up and make me feel like my world isn't crashing down. She motivates me to live a happier life and to chase my dreams. We keep saying we wish we lived closer (really, it IS only an hour or so separating us!). When I have a problem that I can't quite work out myself, I go to her. She recently taught me the power of forgiving those that have wronged me, and how damaging holding onto a grudge and the anger really is. She is the beginning of my journey since starting IIN, and I'm so lucky to have her there throughout as well.
Fourth is my newest friend, Haley. We both attend IIN. There seemed to be some kind of fate that brought us together, we connected on our facebook group for school and added one another as friends. We are so much alike, I'm pretty sure we were sisters in another life. She lives across the country in British Columbia. We both love animals, gardening and health. We are so like minded, it's a little scary! There hasn't been anything yet we don't have in common. We are both what we have named "canaries" and have both had the unfortunate experience of being friends with others that just don't "get it". Or us. But that is all okay now, because we found each other! While Stu was away for work last week, she took time out of her crazy busy day with her 2 kids and messaged me asking how I was. It was so nice to know someone was thinking about me, and took the time to make sure I was okay. While our friendship is new, I've learned that she is so much stronger then she thinks she is and capable of anything she puts her mind to. During our Live Conference we live streamed for school last weekend, we messaged each other whenever something inspiring struck us. I'm so excited for the future with this friend, and having her by my side on our IIN journey!
Each of these people has shaped me and helped me throughout ups and downs in my life. I feel so lucky to have each and every one of them, more then any of them could ever know. The friendships with these ladies is something I value very much, and with each of them by my side I feel like I can absolutely accomplish anything! I owe each one of you so much, and hope one day I can do the same for you like you have for me.
I also have 4 friends I'm going to humiliate by mentioning.
These 4 ladies check in on me when I'm alone all week while Stu is away for work, cheer me up with jokes and offer empathy when needed. They also offer amazing advice and wisdom. They are forever motivating and inspiring me to be a better person.
First off, is Ricky Bobby (which is what Gage calls her, not her real name). She's the older sister of an ex-boyfriend of mine, and while that should be weird and awkward, it usually isn't. Her whole family is full of the most incredibly loving people. Long after her brother and I split, I'm still welcome in their home, with my husband and kids, and invited to social gatherings. Gage is best friends with her son, and watching them grow together is so much fun. I don't think I would have made it through my first pregnancy without Ricky Bobby, and even though at the time she lived 2 provinces away from me, we texted all day every day. She's hilarious, awesome at cheering me up, and I can 100% of the time expect at least a "that really sucks" from her when I'm having a shitty day. She lets me rant to her about silly things, and swear a lot, and we both vent about "bad mommy days". She is hands down one of the best listeners ever. If I have a bad day, or if anything happens and I need someone, I know I could call her and she'd be there within minutes. With wine.
Second is Stacy. Her and I have known each other for years, and it first started with horses. Long before kids, I boarded Dusty at the barn she and her fiance (now husband) were running. My first impression of her was this beautiful bubbly blonde that literally has everything in the best way possible. She's positive ALL the time, loves everyone with all her heart, is an awesome riding coach that can convince you to do the hardest things on horseback while saying "please", and is such a good friend. I was lucky enough to attend her wedding back when I still boarded Dusty at her place, and it is hands down the best wedding I've ever attended. Her husband is hilarious, and together they are two of my favourite people ever. Stacy had her first son the same year I had Gage, and was pregnant when I told her I was pregnant (she was one of the first people I told and her first reaction was to GIGGLE). She has helped me with motherhood more then she could ever know. She now has 1 year old twins, and is such an inspiration as a mother, as a horseperson and overall as a person. I can go to her house and our kids will play while we talk all day about horses and kids. She always says the stuff everyone is thinking but hasn't said yet, she's the most hilarious drunk I've ever met, and always the life and center of every get-together/party. If Stacy attends your party, then you know it will be a good one. She came and sat up late with me shortly after I had Finn and talked to me because I was having such a hard time breastfeeding. She's definitely one of a kind.
Third is Fiona. Fiona has been mentioned on here before, and we originally know each other from work. I was working for a cable company as a customer service rep, while she was a supervisor at the head office. We've never met in person, but she has become such an incredible friend. She is in the same Nutrition school that I am, just a bit ahead of me. She was who told me about the program and encouraged me to do it. She is so wise, and whenever I'm having a bad day can offer advice that always cheers me up and make me feel like my world isn't crashing down. She motivates me to live a happier life and to chase my dreams. We keep saying we wish we lived closer (really, it IS only an hour or so separating us!). When I have a problem that I can't quite work out myself, I go to her. She recently taught me the power of forgiving those that have wronged me, and how damaging holding onto a grudge and the anger really is. She is the beginning of my journey since starting IIN, and I'm so lucky to have her there throughout as well.
Fourth is my newest friend, Haley. We both attend IIN. There seemed to be some kind of fate that brought us together, we connected on our facebook group for school and added one another as friends. We are so much alike, I'm pretty sure we were sisters in another life. She lives across the country in British Columbia. We both love animals, gardening and health. We are so like minded, it's a little scary! There hasn't been anything yet we don't have in common. We are both what we have named "canaries" and have both had the unfortunate experience of being friends with others that just don't "get it". Or us. But that is all okay now, because we found each other! While Stu was away for work last week, she took time out of her crazy busy day with her 2 kids and messaged me asking how I was. It was so nice to know someone was thinking about me, and took the time to make sure I was okay. While our friendship is new, I've learned that she is so much stronger then she thinks she is and capable of anything she puts her mind to. During our Live Conference we live streamed for school last weekend, we messaged each other whenever something inspiring struck us. I'm so excited for the future with this friend, and having her by my side on our IIN journey!
Each of these people has shaped me and helped me throughout ups and downs in my life. I feel so lucky to have each and every one of them, more then any of them could ever know. The friendships with these ladies is something I value very much, and with each of them by my side I feel like I can absolutely accomplish anything! I owe each one of you so much, and hope one day I can do the same for you like you have for me.
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